S, K, R, P, and the Unnecessary Fifth Character
by Theres boloney in our slacks
Summary: Full title: Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, Private, and the Unnecessary Fifth Character -Origin of this: I got tired of the penguin OCs and I decided to do something different with them. As such, a made-up character named Boone was born.


Dude on the walkie-talkie: Alice, we've got a new member for the penguins' exhibit.

Alice: Another one? (Growls) Bring it in, Mac.

(Truck arrives, the dude on the walkie-talkie and Alice pull a heavy crate out and they place it in the penguins' section. They leave the scene, allowing the penguins' to peek out of their headquarters to examine the crate.)

Skipper: Kowalski, WHAT the HECK is THAT!

Kowalski: It appears to be a crate used to place animals in. My guess is that we're being shipped to HOBOKEN!

(Private and Rico gasp in unison)

Skipper: Impossible! We've had our shots! What makes them think we need to get shipped to Hoboken?

Kowalski: (breaking the fourth wall) Because it's a running gag?

Private: Actually… (Looks at the crate) there's a note.

Skipper: Well, what does it say?

Private: It says…(Reads the note aloud) 'Dear Skipper, Kowalski, Private and Rico, I'm writing a one-shot with you guys in it. Everything that you say and do will be recorded in my story. Also, to enhance it, I'm going to put in this crate a parody of other fan fictions: a fifth penguin. To open it, get Rico to hack up a chainsaw or something. Sincerely, Theres boloney in our slacks.'

Skipper: Well, what in the name of pointless extra characters! Well, Ri—(looks up) what the heck!

(Another note pops up out of nowhere)

Private: (Reads it) 'Oh, and by the way, don't bomb this guy yet or you'll ruin the joke.' (Looks up) What joke is this guy talking about?

Kowalski: (shrugs)

Skipper: In that case…Rico! Open this crate or say goodbye to our TV!

Rico: (spews a crowbar and opens the box)

Mysterious new penguin: Hello.

Private: Um…who are you?

Mysterious new penguin: My name's Boone. I used to spend my life hangin' out in Antarctica with the coo kids when I got captured in a horrible accident. See here: (lifts up flipper and revels a scar) A sushi company captured me on accident while trying to catch some fish. Luckily, with all the nursing I could get, I've been sent here to Central Park Zoo. Hope you won't find me annoyin' the way Pop always thought I was.

Skipper: (snores and then opens eyelids in surprise) What? Oh, I'm sorry. I fell asleep listening to (yawn) a horrible story about some kid named Boone. Now, what were you saying?

Boone: …Never mind.

(Later)

Kowalski: Well, Boone, we don't have much room so I hope you wouldn't mind sleeping here on the floor, would you?

Boone: Nah, I wouldn't mind it at all. (Rests on a sleeping bag laid out on the floor inside the penguins' HQ) Never felt better.

(Later)

Skipper: (walks across the room and accidentally steps on Boone, who was resting on the floor)

Boone: OW!

Skipper: (looks down at him) …Really.

(Later)

Skipper: Ah, nothing's better than a glass of milk. (Opens the fridge only to find that Boone is inside)

Boone: (stuffs all the milk in his mouth and sees Skipper) Oh sorry man, I drank all the milk and accidentally swallowed an egg. I hoped you wouldn't mind.

Skipper: …Really?

(Later)

Skipper: (grabs the remote and tries to turn on the TV, but it wouldn't turn on)

(You may not want to read this part if you don't like crude humor) Boone: Aw sorry dude, I had to pull a wire out of the remote to floss my teeth. I don't think you'll be able to revive it; I kinda used it as an aimer for the toilet. But I don't think you'll be able to use the toilet anymore; I flushed an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet…well, you know, for fun, I mean I don't use toilet paper when I…

(Meanwhile Skipper looks as if he's about burst)

Boone: And the toilet plunger got baked in the oven…

Skipper: !

(A week later)

Skipper: Men, I can't take this anymore! Boone has got to go!

Boone: Thanks man, but I already went…

Skipper: I'm not TALKING ABOUT THAT, you buffoon! What I'm saying is…

Kowalski: We should kick Boone's butt out of here?

Skipper: EXACTLY!

Rico: Ka-boom?

Skipper: YES KA-BOOM! NOW THROW DYNAMITE DOWN HIS PANTS ALREADY! I CAN'T TAKE IT! (Sobs) I can't take it…

Private: Actually, he's not wearing pants—

Rico: (spews a bomb at Boone)

Boone: What the…(explodes)

THE END


End file.
